Category: Dating

Posted in Dating

Long Distance Relationships: How to make them work

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

Ahhh the joys of meeting someone new online. You text everyday and talk often. You begin to slowly have feelings for this person that you may or may not have met over a period of time. Everyday you think about this person. Everyday you cant wait to text or call or schedule the next flight to see him or her. You begin to think that everyday brings you closer to the one you love. But what if this person is 1000 miles from you?LDR

Long distance relationships are now more common than most realize. I can guarantee you know someone now that is in a long distance relationship. Whether this person be a friend, family member, neighbor, co-worker, or even you.

I took on a poll on Google + and Facebook about long distance relationships. I asked how individuals felt about long distance relationships. The findings were rather interesting. Women were more skeptical of long distance relationships then men. Most of the men who responded stated they believed in this type of relationship and that love conquers all.

Some of the men commented:

“It is dependant on the feelings of the people in the relationship. If the feelings are strong enough distance doesn’t matter. I like to believe love can conquer all and if someone is willing they can make any situation work.”

“First, how committed are both people? It is important that trust and love really is at a high… That there are communication lots and lots of communication.. And understanding that it doesn’t matter the distance, being faithful is important because it is the right thing to do, and also because there’s love…And in the meantime, there must be a decision on who is going to move and work towards that… To find ways to see each other… Physically because there must be that feeling burn in your mind and heart the way he or she smell, the way it feels her skin, her hair, her Hugs, her Kisses, her perfume and the way she feels when cuddling or making love.”
 
“I’m one who believes, if you like someone, you go for it…You show her your true intentions and if she feels the same, open the heart and see what happens… Knowing that you’ll be treated the way you should!”
 
 
Women  had a different view:
 

“I do not believe in long distance, I just believe that the whole reason of being in a relationship is companionship, that involves a lot of emotional, physical and mental nurturing which are best felt directly and on minute to minute….”

“Love is not measured by distance or how often you talk, but you need to be strong if you’re in long distance relationship bec. its lot of trials. For me I don’t  believe in long distance relationship. In my own experience & the experience if people around me never worked. Just think of this couple that so close together still have time/chance to cheat how much more if your miles away from each other.”

“It’s all dependent on individuals dear. But personally I wouldn’t operate on long distance relationships. What’s the key factor of solidifying a relationship? I believe it’s the time spent together that really matters here. But again there are people who do quite well in these kind of relationships so i cannot fully rule out that what’s applicable to me is applicable to everyone else. If its long distance, how often do you get to be together? Are you comfortable having your partner so far away from you? Are you ready to withstand all that urge to be with them when they really can’t be there with you? So many questions to consider. I also believe that distance has a way of draining away feelings of romance and without you knowing you end up being more of social media friends. My take.”
 
 
If you are in a long distance relationship, here are some helpful tips:
 
1. Communicate everyday: This is the most important part of a long distance relationship is to communicate everyday. At times this can be challenging but communication is essential for making a long distance relationship work. You can communicate by phone, text, email, Facebook, Google+, or any other social media outlet.
 

2. Visit each other often: It would seem obvious but its harder than it sounds. A person tends to put off making plans to see the other person over time as two people get comfortable conversing by phone or other methods. If you put it off too long it becomes easy to “talk” with other individuals and basically let the relationship take a back seat. Actually seeing each other and touching one another by hugging, kissing etc. is what cements the relationship. It is very important that two people see each other as often as possible when in a long distance relationship.

3. Be positive: Always be positive and kind-hearted while getting to know each other. Long distance relationships push a person to be more creative so expressing a positive attitude and being sensitive is paramount to keeping the relationship alive and healthy. Everyday you should communicate to your partner something positive. This can be as simple as a compliment or daily edification.

4. Avoid temptation to be controlling: Once you get comfortable talking and texting each other its difficult not to want to control what the other is doing. For instance, you may want to call your long distance partner but he or she may have other plans and can’t talk. You would then make it seem like they he or she is putting their plans or others ahead of you. This is controlling behavior. Try to avoid controlling behavior by giving the relationship the space it needs. If your partner was local you would not be spending each and every minute with this person anyway.

5. Make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship: Communication is key here. Once you have decided you have met the love of your life, it is paramount that both individuals discuss how the relationship is going to work. You can do this by discussing short-term and long-term goals for the relationship. Define what is important for each person and be willing to meet each others needs.

Links:

Activities you can do together while far apart.

Posted in Dating

If he is not calling or texting; he is not into you

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

In January 2014 I started seeing someone who currently I am not seeing anymore. I have known this man for 2 years off and on as we communicated only by online, phone, and text communication. I met him for the first time right after the New Year and we started seeing each other as time would allow us both. I have to admit I enjoyed his kisses and massages very much.

Then in the third week of us seeing each other he states he has to leave to Texas for a job that will last 3-4 months. Right up until he leaves I am  telling him how much I am going to miss him. I make time for him; to spend as much time together as possible thinking he is feeling the same way. He assured me we would talk often while he is gone, and text daily as we have been. I told him I didn’t want him to see anyone while he was gone. He assured me things had changed for him too and that he would miss me as well.

The day he leaves Friday, we are talking and texting. The next day or the first official day he is there….nothing. So I text and try to call him. Nothing. Then on Sunday morning he texts with “good morning”.  We talk shortly after that and I am upset with him since he has not answered his phone or texted. He ends up hanging up on me stating he doesn’t like confrontation. I was stunned. I texted him telling him he has hurt me by his behavior.  He texts back that he will text me when he stops as he was heading to the local Zoo and that he was not in contact because he has had the “shits” all day. LOL yea that’s what he actually texted.

He has yet to text or call me since that last text on Sunday.

player

I honestly don’t know what to make of a man who leaves for work in another state and all the sudden does not call or text anymore. This after calling me everyday and texting all the time, along with being intimate. Dumb me for believing when he said he was not like other men.  One word: PLAYER. It seems like this is what is in the dating field lately. I wonder if anyone wants to be with someone permanently anymore. Romance seems to be dead as I have yet to meet a man who will go to great lengths to, even in the smallest way, spoil me. Sigh…

What’s sad is I somewhat allowed this kind of behavior. But I am learning with each PLAYER how to handle the next. Doesn’t matter whether you are thin or fat, this is simply how men are to ladies. Grant you some men will hang around longer if they have nothing better to do with their time as being with someone keeps them from being totally alone. But lets face it, most men only want to play around and if you are not giving them sex they won’t come around.

I know not all men are like this. I do know we live in a culture now that being single has surpassed being married. Whatever happened to two people, a man and a woman, staying together and making it work?

Update:

I posted general information on Facebook that I am no longer seeing this man. All the sudden other men are asking to date me and be given a chance to get to know me. Since I was never taken by this man I am going to continue to date. One of these men contacts me and was a previous suitor that only wanted sex; even though he has adamantly stated he wants a best friend. LOL Yea I seem to attract them.

Bottom Line Ladies:

If he is  not calling or texting; he is not into you.

If he is not wanting to spend every single second of his free time with you; he is not into you.

If he is not romancing you and doing everything to make you smile; he is not into you.

Nothing will stop a man from being with you when he really wants to be with you. Men are simple like that.

Posted in Dating

How do you know if a woman is interested in you?

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

How do you know if a woman is interested in you? Well, that can be the question of all questions. Am I right or am I right?  I know you guys get frustrated as us women can be fickle creatures.

A few months ago I posted a blog for women titled How do you know if a man is truly interested in you?. To date, that is the top searched blog, so I decided to create a blog for men to help them know when a woman is truly interested in them. Here are 8 signs a woman is interested in Y O U and what to look for.

1. Initial Attraction: If she is attracted to you she is smiling and maintaining eye contact. When you first meet will tell you everything you need to know guys; just let her be your focus. If a woman is attracted to you she will be smiling or laughing at everything you say and do. She will also be looking directly at you and checking you out.

Intial Attraction

What to look for: She will provide her contact info rather quickly when you first ask. This is a sure sign of interest. The key to keeping her attention focused on you is to communicate by text or calling within 24 hrs. Forget the 3 day rule as she could have moved on by then.

2. Use Humor to keep our Attention: Women love a man who can make her smile and laugh. This not only holds our attention but makes us more attracted to you. Plus, women love to laugh or smile to a sexy man we want to get to know better.

What to look for: If a woman is laughing or smiling at everything you say or do, even if you know your not funny, this is clear indication she is interested. Just think of the laugh as a mating call. Yes, I said it; a mating call.

3. Acting Indifferent: All women like a challenge. When a hot guy is interested in us we want to know it but we also want you to act “a little indifferent”. What this means is that maybe you should not be always calling or texting, or “act” like your not interested sexually. This will drive a woman crazy and will make us focus on a guy more. However, always maintain contact as a woman will move on rather quickly or another male may step-up.

What to look for: If she is texting or calling and acting a little stalkerly, this is a sure sign she is wanting your attention. This means she wants to go out and or spend time with you. Just don’t be in too much of a hurry as this will make us want you more. Yea, I know this sounds rather redundant but it works.

4. Connect with Women Emotionally: A great way to build an emotional connection with a woman is to discuss goals, future plans, values, and common interests. Being open allows for clear expectations and the potential for established trust; which in turn leads to real love. Remember though don’t discuss goals, values, and future plans on the first date because this shows true interest in a woman by waiting until the third or fourth date.

What to look for: If a woman is truly interested in getting to know you better, she will respond to you with her goals, future plans, values, and common interests. She may even have a list of these in her overly large purse, in a folder, to present to you. (Yes, some women are just thoughtful like that! LOL)

5. Women want Romance: Yea, yea I know you guys get frustrated by this aspect of dating, but women really want and need romance. Women like knowing your thinking of us when you give us flowers, or buy dinner, or even something as simple as holding our hand and walking slowly together while talking. Just remember that romance isn’t always about buying things to make us smile; sometimes all is takes is creativity in planning a special night. Plus, the best gift you could give a woman is your 100% time and attention.

Romantic

What to look for: Women who like to be romanced will respond positively to your romantic gestures. She will be consistently smiling at you and will certainly reward you with a long warm hug or maybe even a kiss. You will catch her smiling a lot and lowering her eyes every time she sees you looking at her.

6. Exhibit Dominance: A man should exhibit a fair amount of dominance to a woman. This shows her your confident and tend to go after what you want. Women are more attracted to men who exhibit dominance even if your more the submissive type sexually. However, exhibiting dominance is no excuse to treat a lady abusively. There is a fine line here, but I think you get the point.

What to look for: A woman will show she likes your forwardness by letting you make ‘certain’ decisions. For instance, she will want you to plan the dates and take care of the details. Another example would be a woman letting you touch her in a non-sexual manner; like on the upper back, arms, or shoulders. Now while some women believe themselves to be dominant, deep down all women want a man to protect and care for her needs. A woman who is more dominant in her everyday life will want a man who is able to handle her and turn her into a purring kitten.

7. Women want a man who is FUN: Guys guys guys! Women want to have fun. I know this may seem like a lot of work at times but really how hard is it to exhibit some dominance in planning a great date venue. Find out what interests you both and then get creative. You could suggest something new and see if she is game. Either way, you will peak her interest as you are showing her you want to explore different avenues and the date wont be the typical dinner and movie.

What to look for: If a woman cannot wait for the next date and expressed this to you before the end of the evening; this is a clear indication she had a great time. Look for a text after the date, either the night of or the next morning regarding her great date with you.

8. Sexual Mastery: Last but certainly not least, women want a man who knows how to please her in the bedroom. Woman also like knowing a man is educated in this department. We want a skilled lover that will leave us feeling incredible until we are able to see you again.

Lover

What to look for: You will know a woman is happy in this department when she can’t get enough of being with you in this regard.  She might even drag you back into the bedroom for round two or three or four please? Come on if you’re doing this right then you know she will be thinking about you for days dreaming of the next encounter you sexy animal you.

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Posted in Dating

10 Tips on dating an older woman

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

2013-10-05 13.45.19What is the lure of older women for younger men? Some would say this is  because older women and younger men want sex so it’s a win/win situation. Others would say that age is not a factor and when it’s right it’s right. But maybe dating a younger man makes an older woman feel youthful again. Personally, I am flattered when a younger man wants to date me as it makes me feel as young as I look and feel.

Here are 10 tips for younger men dating an older woman:

1.  Beware of treating an older women as a “Mommy”. If you’re dating an older woman it is important that you look at the relationship as any other. She is not your “mommy”. This can be demeaning to an older woman and make her walk away from you.

2.  Do not consider an older woman a “booty call”. If your only seeking great, hot sex, then you need to be upfront about this. Don’t assume that the woman you are dating will only want you for sex. Older women want quality relationships with sex as only one factor.

3.  Younger men need to pursue an older woman just like they would a younger female. Older women are not any different from a younger women in the dating sense. Sure older women are more secure in who she is and isn’t and she may also have a rockin’ career. Just treat her as any other woman when getting to know her.

4.  Always remember older women are ok being alone. There is a common misconception that older women are “desperate” or “need” a  male. Of course, this is not true in the majority of cases as older women are just more secure in most areas of her life. Look at it like an older woman prefer’s you in her life. She doesn’t need you.

5.  Communication is key to making this type of relationship work. This is perhaps the most important aspect of the older women younger man relationship. If you communicate exactly what you’re seeking in her and her in you, then everything will just flow smooth.

6.  Avoid labels. Do not refer to an older woman as a “cougar” nor should there be reference to her being a “sugar momma”. By avoiding these labels, you are respecting the relationship.

7.   Avoid discussing age unless absolutely necessary. There is no need to mention her age as an older woman is well aware of her age and how old you are.

8.  If it’s more than sex, take things slow. Sure the sex is hot but if your desire is leaning towards more of a relationship than actually date. Get to know her without the bedroom.

9.  Be Assertive when asking an older woman out. Be direct as there is nothing sexier to a woman then a man who knows what he wants.

10. Older women are from a different dating era. This is very important to me personally, as dating rules have changed. If an older woman offers to go “dutch” or pay for the meal, decline and insist that you pay. If you don’t she will automatically think your not worthy of her attention. Insist that its your pleasure to pay as this will show her you have class and can take care of her needs outside of the bedroom.

Bottom Line:

Recently I have been contacted by younger men on the MeetMe website. Yes, I am dating and seek only online since I am not into hanging out at bars. In fact, just this past weekend I went out with a 29-year-old gentlemen who stated he was “taken with me”.  I am 45 and was quite floored that a hot 6’6 29-year-old would be interested in me.

After our dinner date he wanted to get a hotel room to, and as he put it, “cuddle”. To which I laughed and stated, “Don’t you mean have great sex?” He replied, “I am not like that. I happen to find you very attractive and sexy and can control myself while cuddling.” (Yea right! LOL) Needless to say, “cuddling” with me in a hotel room was not happening…at least not that night.

While I understand the attraction of how a younger man is attracted to me as an older, hot, experienced woman, I am also careful. For me, it’s not about being alone or “needing” a man. At this point in my life I do know what I want from a man…and that is to be loved in the real sense.

As an older woman, I am beyond just wanting sex even though the lucky man will (no matter the age of the man) get his fill and then some. For me it’s about quality not the quantity. The above 10 tips are what I came up with based on the fact that the last 4 dates I have been on are all men who are in their late 20’s or early 30’s.

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Posted in Dating, Rants

Does real love exist anymore?

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

Cheating

I was talking with a couple of co-worker’s yesterday about love and if real love still exists. What I heard was a little disturbing as there is this mind-set in younger individuals that its ok to cheat on their spouses, significant others, or girlfriends/boyfriends because of the want for something “different”. What? Are you kidding me? Maybe I am just old-fashioned but this just blows my mind.

The burning question is does real love exist anymore? A couple of my co-workers laughed when I asked that. You see, what I learned by talking to each is that there are people who really believe it’s ok to cheat because he or she has a “want” for something or someone different even though they are committed to another. I mean why would you want to be with one person when there are many other men and women who enjoy satisfying those “wants”. Of course, with no regard to the people in his or her lives they are hurting. Let’s not even get into the topic of safe sex either. It just grosses me out to think that both men and women will be with another person or person’s without protection. What they don’t realize is that if this person is cheating with you then they are cheating with others. YUK! It’s like a hodge podge for gross microscopic cootie he he bugs to grow and take over your brain and other bodily functions.

Dating1

From my own personal experiences lately men are always playing. See this recent blog You lie like a rug! about a guy who only wanted to play around and lied about his intentions to me. Seems like men are playing while they are getting to know you and they are playing when they are seeing you. I am supposing that there are too many options to resist temptation see also previous blog called Dating Rant 2: Too Many Options Guys!. I would hate to think that men just go from woman to woman until one brave lone woman actually chains him down and beats him into submission. Oh my, where did that come from? LOL In all seriousness, maybe that’s what it would take.

Upon further conversation with my co-workers, I learned that in this new dating world, playing around is acceptable. What? Looking grief-stricken here. Once again, I guess I am old-fashioned in my thinking but aren’t you suppose to meet someone and fall in love or at the very least, madly in lust; get to know them, and only them? What has happened to real love and romance? Is chivalry and romance dead?

Bottom Line:

The bottom line is this: love is a rarity. If you happen to find love; treasure that love.

This is an interesting article written by a man on Why Chivarly is Dead From a Mans Perspective.

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Posted in Dating, Rants

You lie like a rug!

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

Yep you suck! I waited a few days before posting this blog because I am respectful and also because I wanted to give this man a chance to apologize for his behavior. However, no apology has been forthcoming so as they say in church, “the truth will set you free”. LOL You suck and you know who you are!

YouSUCK

I recently went to meet someone. You know the story, you meet online (who doesn’t anymore?) and I started talking to this goodlooking man (who I thought was an awesome guy). He told me he didn’t care I was a plus size girl and that size is not a factor for him nor does it determine beauty in “his eyes”. He said “beauty is truly within”. LOL right!

This man even asked for recent pics which I sent to him gladly. He told me he couldn’t wait to meet me because I was beautiful. He told me he would be setting “the bar high” and that no other man would or could compare.  LOL OK! We talked every night for hours all week and then he invited me to his place for the weekend. I accepted. I was finally excited to be meeting someone I thought was special.

When I arrived at his place I was excited. I mean after seeking for so long this might be the man for me. I was wrong! Over the course of the weekend I learned you lie like a rug. Yep, I said it, you lie like a rug!

When I showed up at his place I did not bring my stuff in and instead wanted to ensure him and I were “ok” upon meeting. I knew that if I simply just waited I would have my answer soon enough. He was happy and outgoing and said he was glad I was finally here. I told him the same and I knew then this would be a great weekend. I also stated I did not bring my stuff in until I knew he wanted me there as I knew I could simply get in my car and go home. He asked, yes ASKED, me to bring my stuff in and I did. 

Needless to say, this weekend turned out to be an eye opener for me. It finally drives home the fact that I am usually right about “certain” men being players. Yep, deny it all you want but you are a player. This man was just smoother at it because I had no idea he was not even attracted to me. It makes me cringe to think men like this exist. You SUCK!

I will not go on, as I just found out, by him personally, that he was not ever attracted to me. You see I just got through texting him where he admitted that he was not sexually attracted to me yet he sure seemed the opposite during my visit. I guess my indication should have been the standard for this “type of man” who are usually PLAYERS.

And of course, I am right. You are a player! Dating has changed, this is for sure, but why lie like the rug you are? There is a reason you are alone “Mr. I Don’t want my heart-broken”.  Duh! LOL and its laughable that you honestly think anyone of quality would stay with you being this way. You SUCK!

Yea, I am a little pissed and I have every right to be. I did not lie and I was true to everything I said and did. I do not play games and I communicate effectively. So what’s your excuse? Oh wait, you have none! You are a liar and a player. You will get exactly what you give; NOTHING. You do indeed SUCK!

Bonus Rant:

A few previous men I have dated recently contacted me. I am sick of you telling me, “I am the one that got away.”

I am responding to all of you with this, “I am not the the one who got away. I let you go.”

Good riddence!

By the way, you SUCK too!

Posted in Dating, News Related

Online Dating Scam: How to avoid them

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

Dating Scam

How do you avoid an online dating scam? There is a prevalent online dating scam where individuals steal or use, illegally, someones image(s) to make you fall in love with them online. The results of this type of scam can be devastating for the victim financially. The most impacted: 70% women 40 yrs. old plus/30% men. Women are the main targets. The current and most prevalent dating scam is the Nigerian Dating Scam.

You meet the perfect guy or girl. They say all the right things and have this endearing way that makes you feel on cloud nine. You really think you know them and they become a part of your very existence. You call them even though they are in a foreign country because what is more important true love or money? You make plans to meet and or eventually to spend your life with this person. You even make plans to relocate all in the name of true love. And of course the person you are “falling in love” with is a wealthy business person so money is of no object.

Now during the time of maybe one or two months, the love of your life, whom you have never met will tell you something like this, “I have great news! I got this new project that is going to set us up for many years. I am so excited but I have to travel to another country in order to complete the project.” or something of this caliber. Of course, you believe you have hit the jackpot because not only do you have the love of your life, you will have financial security too. You are so happy that you encourage the trip and want to be a support in any way possible.

Fast forward to the love of your life in another country. They are working hard to ensure a great future for you and maybe even the child he or she has. Then one day out of the blue you get a text or phone call from them stating they are in trouble. Their equipment did not come in and cannot clear customs; or they are hurt and in a hospital or any number of other reasons. You are the only person who can rescue them and of course, you want to help. They ask you for financial assistance; of course, this is only temporary since they will pay you back when the project is complete or whatever excuse they give. They need $5,000.00 and even though this is a hardship for you, once again you’re in love and the love of your life is in trouble; what’s money compared to this?

You clean out what little savings you have and may even call your credit card company to borrow enough funds to wire the funds to help the love of your life. This is the beginning of the never-ending cycle of you sending money. They will continue to ask for money until you have nothing left to give. When you tell them that you cannot send anymore funds they will be very upset and accuse you of not loving them enough and disappear. You are out all the money you have sent and they simply disappear. Your left with emotional heartache as well as you thought this was the love of your life.

ScamCC

This is the most common scam. Some men and women will spend months if not a year getting to know this person online and never really knowing if they are real or not. You wont have no clue what their agenda truly is until they ask for money. Yea, they can be pretty slick.

Best Advise:

Do not send or wire money to anyone you have never met in person. If the love of your life does not understand this, then they are not the love of your life. Get rid of them ASAP.

Do not give out credit card or bank account information to anyone. Once again if they are asking for this information and you have never met this person than you can bet its a scam to steal your money.

When meeting someone online never trust that person, even if you have talked to them for a long period of time. This is one way to protect yourself and if they are real they will respect that stance.

Do not give out personal information on social networks. I am leery of this myself since I am a public figure. It is very important that until you actually meet and get to know the person you should  keep certain parts of your life private. This includes what you share on Facebook, Google+, and any other social site that this person may also have an account with.

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Posted in Dating, Healthy Living

Distorted Beauty: The Bottom Line

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

Beauty

There is a distorted version of beauty that not only destroys a person’s confidence but can actually destroy a person’s perception of themselves. This is so emotionally damaging to women and also to men. Why do Americans in peticular, have an ideal version of what beauty is or isn’t? I used to think I was just plain or not pretty, because I did not fit the standard image of what society thought I should be weight wise. For years, I have struggled with my weight; but this is only an outside image or the first impression of who I really am. The real beauty of me is within.

What is the ideal version of beauty? Good question eh? I asked random men what their version of beauty is and these are some of the answers I received: The ideal version of beauty is someone who is attractive physically, (no surprise there) the eyes, the smile, intelligent, giving, kind, loving, generous, and caring. Some went on to say, personality, the heart, honesty, the hair, the hands, and a willingness to assist her man.

From a womans perspective, men are a determining factor in making a woman feel beautiful. Rejection, unfaithfulness, and disloyalty from a man makes women feel like we are not pretty, skinny, or intelligent enough. Or maybe our hair is not long or short enough, or maybe we are so hurt that the personality keeps us from being loving, generous, or kind? Or maybe, and this is the crutch, we are too fat or obese or as some of you guys put it, “overly large”. Yep, this is mainly physical for guys, men cannot help this as they are visual creatures. But guess what guys, beauty fades.

From a man’s perspective, rejection from a woman can make a man feel less confident in future dating or relationship endeavors or less bold in asking a “pretty” lady out. This destroys a man self-confidence. Do you see the connection?

Why is it that men and women can’t simply see the best in each other?

Bottom Line:

Emotional health is very important to how we project ourselves to others. Because emotional health is so important, a person has to get beyond what society deems as “beautiful”.  It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks of you on the outside; all that matters is what you think of yourself on the inside. Knowing yourself is the key here and being ok in your own skin. If your overweight, you can change this; if your attitude needs adjustment, figure it out.

Everyday you, and men included, need to look in the mirror and state this, “I am a person of worth. I am worthy to be loved and to love. I am beautiful/handsome just as I am.”

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Posted in Dating

How do you know if a man is truly interested in you?

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)
Red flags
Red flags (Photo credit: rvw)

How do you know if a man is truly interested in you? What are the signs? What are the red flags? Well, I have it from a reliable source; yep, the guest blogger is a man! This man is a friend of mine who is also a blogger and resides in the local Nashville Tennessee area. I asked him to guest blog on my website because I wanted a man’s perspective on spotting the signs a man is really interested in a woman. The guest blogger asked to remain anonymous for personal reasons.

Here is what he provided in regard to knowing if a man is truly interested in you….

1. You get texts or phone calls during traditional ‘date nights’.

If he’s texting you on Friday night at 9PM he’s letting you know that he’s not seeing anyone else and he’s checking to make sure that you aren’t either. In these instances, make sure that he has your complete attention. This is easier done through phone calls where the communication is instant. However, if 15 minutes lapses between his text and your response, he may take that as your with someone else, or you are just not interested in him.

man Texting

 2. Timing

If you’re the first text or phone call that he makes in the morning and the last one he sends at night, that means you’re on his mind. If you know he’s going through a stressful time at work or in his family life and he’s still keeping in steady contact with you, this means that he values you and wants your support. This is a good thing.

3. Consistency

Men that are truly interested in you will move mountains to be with you. Period. If you meet a guy and he’s extremely receptive to spending time with you one week and the next week he isn’t, that’s a HUGE red flag. It means that he’s moved on physically and mentally. Yes, there may be legitimate excuses (“My mom has been sick” or “It’s been a really tough week at work.”), but things like that should be explained to you beforehand or as soon as possible. To not do so in itself is a red flag. It means that he doesn’t think you’re important enough to keep in the loop.

man-staring-at-other-women

4. Respecting you or your schedule. 

When you first started seeing each other, he only had eyes for you. Now, he visually molest’s every other woman without even trying to hide it from you. When you first started seeing each other, he gladly worked around your schedule so he could spend time with you. Now, he completely ignores the fact that you work 3rd shift and sleep during the day or you have to drop your kids off at daycare or you’re in the middle of furthering your education etc…This is more than a loss of interest on his part. It’s an actual loss of caring, and it’s a HUGE red flag.

Bottom Line:

When a man is interested and I mean truly interested he will text, he will call, he will want to know what you’re doing and when you’re doing it. Sounds sort of stalkerly LOL but it’s simply how it is in the realm of attraction. If he is not texting, calling, or wanting to know everything about you, he is simply not into you.

NEXT! (yelled really loud LOL)

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Posted in Dating

Does your man or woman mention his ex a lot?

Posted on by Kelly Garton (Writer Blogher)

A3KPPY

Are you dating someone who continually mentions an ex? This is a huge warning sign that he or she is not over them. Here is some helpful dating tips to see if your new man or woman is still pinning for his or her ex. To keep from overusing he and she and him and her a lot I will use the male example.

Here are some signs he is still into his ex:

1. He mentions his ex a lot. This is a sure sign he is still thinking about her. It’s ok to discuss ex’s at the appropriate times especially when you are in the ‘getting to know you’ phase as long you are both sharing. But if after 3 dates he is still talking about her, there are still unresolved feelings there.

Kell Kell’s Take on This: Can anyone say ‘red flag’? Make that a huge red flag! Time to say thank you, but no thank you. Next!

2. He compares you to her. This is a huge warning sign that he is still thinking about the ex. It is not ok for a man (or a woman) to compare you to another person. Each person is unique. So if he is comparing you to her then he’s not over her.

Kell Kell’s Take on This: Time to move on and wave bye-bye! Quickly before your self-confidence deflate’s and you want to eat a gallon of ice cream. Trust me he is not worth the aggravation.

3. He slips up and calls you by her name. This one sign is a big ‘no no’ even though we all know how goofy a person can be in this regard. But if your man is making love to you and he mentions her name, then he is definitely thinking about her and not you. This is just plain insulting. How can anyone mention someone elses name while being intimate?

Kell Kell’s Take on This: Run away as fast as you can! Don’t even worry if you leave a shoe in the process, just run.

4. He doesn’t introduce you to his friends. If a man is not talking about you and how awesome you are to everyone then he is not thinking about you. When a man is really into you he will mention you to everyone including first and foremost, his best buddies.

Kell Kell’s Take on This: Show up at one of his “buddies night out” events and dress really sexy and hot. Then introduce yourself to all his hot single friends. This will not only make him mad (or think your stalker material) but will point out you don’t need him to be introduced to his friends. Think of it as taking matters into your own hands. Plus, one of his friends could be the one for you and end up asking you out. Since he has not mentioned you to them this should not be an issue.

5. He maintains constant contact with the ex insisting that they are now only good friends. If your man is texting the ex regularly, liking her Facebook status’, calling her with ‘news’ good or otherwise in his life, then he is still pinning for her. He is maintaining contact hoping that she will eventually change her mind otherwise he would not care about her Facebook status’ or how her day is going.

Kell Kell’s Take on This: This is just plain wrong. How can anyone want to maintain communication of any form with someone who doesn’t want to be with you anymore? Not to beat a dead horse here but run and throw something at him to make your point and we’ll see if he calls you repeatedly like he does his ex.

Bottom Line:

Once its over it’s over. An individual would think a breakup is just that, but some individuals have a harder time getting over someone particularly if they were a couple for a long time; like a year or more. While breakups are not easy, its important to move forward but not at the expense of a nice person who just happens to find you attractive. Be respectful and make sure you’re really over the ex before dating someone new.

http://www.ivillage.com/9-signs-hes-not-over-his-ex/4-a-517747

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/135528/20_signs_hes_not_over

http://www.datingwithoutdrama.com/your-guy-is-still-talking-to-his-ex-should-you-be-concerned/