Posted in Relationships

Can men and women be friends?

The old adage is true: the number of true friends you have can be counted on one hand. A true friend is an effortless relationship in a judgement free zone. True friends share the good and the bad in each others life. You are moral support for each other. A real friend is rare. You’ve known this best friend forever. This best friend happens to be a member of the opposite sex.

Can you only be friends with him or her?

man-woman-friends

For the most part women tend to be more honest in opposite sex friendships than men. Men tend to view women on a sexual level. Why? Well, the experts say it is because men are wired different from women. The results are this; men will at some point want to be more than friends with a female friend or at the very least “think” about having sex with her. Women will stay with a male friend (non-sexual) for the emotional and physical support he may give. Women will put their male friends in the “friend zone” which men hate.

There are exceptions though. For those that are true friends here is a list of what to look for if your friend of either sex wants more in the relationship.

How do you identify if your really only a friend?

~If you get jealous of your friend around another of the opposite sex. This means that if you feel possessive of the relationship to the point that you do not want your friend to have opposite sex relationships than you look at this person as more than a friend.

~You want to spend unusual amounts of time with this person. Friends don’t plan or focus on times spent together. So if you want to spend more than the average of once or twice a week with your friend than you maybe wanting more than friendship.

~You’re physically attracted to your friend. This is sort of no-brainer. If you look at your friend and think they are hot and would love to see more of him or her than you are definitely looking at your friend as more than a friend.

~You daydream about your friend in a romantic way. Daydreaming about your friend in a romantic sense is actually more common than people realize. This does not mean that you want to be with that person sexually but you do need evaluate why you are thinking that way to begin with. Maybe it is time to have a conversation with your friend about taking the friendship to another level.

The bottom line is this: Men who say they can be friends with a woman and ONLY be friends maybe trying to hide the fact he is attracted to his female friend (s). Unless the man is gay. Sorry guys but if you don’t believe me just click on the links from the pro’s.

Links:

~Psychology Today: Can men and women be just friends?

~Huffington Post: Can men and women be “just friends”?

~Watch this video showing men admitting they want to be more than friends

Posted in Dating

10 Tips on dating an older woman

2013-10-05 13.45.19What is the lure of older women for younger men? Some would say this is  because older women and younger men want sex so it’s a win/win situation. Others would say that age is not a factor and when it’s right it’s right. But maybe dating a younger man makes an older woman feel youthful again. Personally, I am flattered when a younger man wants to date me as it makes me feel as young as I look and feel.

Here are 10 tips for younger men dating an older woman:

1.  Beware of treating an older women as a “Mommy”. If you’re dating an older woman it is important that you look at the relationship as any other. She is not your “mommy”. This can be demeaning to an older woman and make her walk away from you.

2.  Do not consider an older woman a “booty call”. If your only seeking great, hot sex, then you need to be upfront about this. Don’t assume that the woman you are dating will only want you for sex. Older women want quality relationships with sex as only one factor.

3.  Younger men need to pursue an older woman just like they would a younger female. Older women are not any different from a younger women in the dating sense. Sure older women are more secure in who she is and isn’t and she may also have a rockin’ career. Just treat her as any other woman when getting to know her.

4.  Always remember older women are ok being alone. There is a common misconception that older women are “desperate” or “need” a  male. Of course, this is not true in the majority of cases as older women are just more secure in most areas of her life. Look at it like an older woman prefer’s you in her life. She doesn’t need you.

5.  Communication is key to making this type of relationship work. This is perhaps the most important aspect of the older women younger man relationship. If you communicate exactly what you’re seeking in her and her in you, then everything will just flow smooth.

6.  Avoid labels. Do not refer to an older woman as a “cougar” nor should there be reference to her being a “sugar momma”. By avoiding these labels, you are respecting the relationship.

7.   Avoid discussing age unless absolutely necessary. There is no need to mention her age as an older woman is well aware of her age and how old you are.

8.  If it’s more than sex, take things slow. Sure the sex is hot but if your desire is leaning towards more of a relationship than actually date. Get to know her without the bedroom.

9.  Be Assertive when asking an older woman out. Be direct as there is nothing sexier to a woman then a man who knows what he wants.

10. Older women are from a different dating era. This is very important to me personally, as dating rules have changed. If an older woman offers to go “dutch” or pay for the meal, decline and insist that you pay. If you don’t she will automatically think your not worthy of her attention. Insist that its your pleasure to pay as this will show her you have class and can take care of her needs outside of the bedroom.

Bottom Line:

Recently I have been contacted by younger men on the MeetMe website. Yes, I am dating and seek only online since I am not into hanging out at bars. In fact, just this past weekend I went out with a 29-year-old gentlemen who stated he was “taken with me”.  I am 45 and was quite floored that a hot 6’6 29-year-old would be interested in me.

After our dinner date he wanted to get a hotel room to, and as he put it, “cuddle”. To which I laughed and stated, “Don’t you mean have great sex?” He replied, “I am not like that. I happen to find you very attractive and sexy and can control myself while cuddling.” (Yea right! LOL) Needless to say, “cuddling” with me in a hotel room was not happening…at least not that night.

While I understand the attraction of how a younger man is attracted to me as an older, hot, experienced woman, I am also careful. For me, it’s not about being alone or “needing” a man. At this point in my life I do know what I want from a man…and that is to be loved in the real sense.

As an older woman, I am beyond just wanting sex even though the lucky man will (no matter the age of the man) get his fill and then some. For me it’s about quality not the quantity. The above 10 tips are what I came up with based on the fact that the last 4 dates I have been on are all men who are in their late 20’s or early 30’s.

Posted in Dating, Rants

Does real love exist anymore?

Cheating

I was talking with a couple of co-worker’s yesterday about love and if real love still exists. What I heard was a little disturbing as there is this mind-set in younger individuals that its ok to cheat on their spouses, significant others, or girlfriends/boyfriends because of the want for something “different”. What? Are you kidding me? Maybe I am just old-fashioned but this just blows my mind.

The burning question is does real love exist anymore? A couple of my co-workers laughed when I asked that. You see, what I learned by talking to each is that there are people who really believe it’s ok to cheat because he or she has a “want” for something or someone different even though they are committed to another. I mean why would you want to be with one person when there are many other men and women who enjoy satisfying those “wants”. Of course, with no regard to the people in his or her lives they are hurting. Let’s not even get into the topic of safe sex either. It just grosses me out to think that both men and women will be with another person or person’s without protection. What they don’t realize is that if this person is cheating with you then they are cheating with others. YUK! It’s like a hodge podge for gross microscopic cootie he he bugs to grow and take over your brain and other bodily functions.

Dating1

From my own personal experiences lately men are always playing. See this recent blog You lie like a rug! about a guy who only wanted to play around and lied about his intentions to me. Seems like men are playing while they are getting to know you and they are playing when they are seeing you. I am supposing that there are too many options to resist temptation see also previous blog called Dating Rant 2: Too Many Options Guys!. I would hate to think that men just go from woman to woman until one brave lone woman actually chains him down and beats him into submission. Oh my, where did that come from? LOL In all seriousness, maybe that’s what it would take.

Upon further conversation with my co-workers, I learned that in this new dating world, playing around is acceptable. What? Looking grief-stricken here. Once again, I guess I am old-fashioned in my thinking but aren’t you suppose to meet someone and fall in love or at the very least, madly in lust; get to know them, and only them? What has happened to real love and romance? Is chivalry and romance dead?

Bottom Line:

The bottom line is this: love is a rarity. If you happen to find love; treasure that love.

This is an interesting article written by a man on Why Chivarly is Dead From a Mans Perspective.

Related articles